would you do it all over again?
Would you do it all over again?
It’s the kind of question your brain asks itself at 2:26 in the morning after you’ve watched an unrealistic romantic comedy and the screen has gone black and the volume has gone mute and the only sound you hear is the shaking and whirring of the uneven ceiling fan.
Would you do it all over again?
It’s the sort of impossible question that barely deserves a response but there’s this glimmer and sliver of your heart that feels compelled to think it through.
No one is really asking. You know you’re only talking to yourself. But your self is still kinda curious and you listen up because even you aren’t sure of how she’ll spin this answer.
Would you fall in love again? Would you get married all over again?
Would you walk that path that takes you directly to your doorstep right now? The path that carries you, conveyer belt style, and drops you right off on the sofa in a dark living room with just you and a dog being the only two breathing beings awake at such an hour and the weight of a whole lotta heavy sitting on your chest and piled on your plate and loaded in your head?
You know it doesn’t even take a second to answer.
There’s just one word.
Yes.
Yes, I would. I would fall in love with a boy from Ohio with a black pick up truck and a striped sweater. I would get married in a cornfield on a miserably hot August day to a boy wearing Chuck Taylors while all of our friends and family sweated and stared at us and the musicians never showed.
Even if I knew that twenty years later I’d be discarded like the wedding shoes, I would do it all again.
It’s not the pain I welcome. Most definitely not. It’s not the sorrow and the shame and the disappointment that tune my answer.
It’s the good – and there were years of it. It’s the long drives through the country and the late night conversations and the carefully plotted trips to the hospital, heavy with fear and labor pains for the babies we welcomed into the world together. It’s the signed names on the official document that signified a new last name for our daughters. Daughters who were now forever family. It’s the wading through trouble and death and disappointment. The wars we fought against common enemies. The puzzle pieces we seemed to complete when we were once a complete puzzle ourselves.
Yes. I would do it all over again.
I think the better question might be – would I pick a different ending?
16 Comments
Sara
Yes.
Yes to life with all its horrible Hard and “messy middles.”
Yes to its joys and beauty and unspeakable loveliness.
And especially, Yes.
Yes to Life.
The Life that’s hid in Christ
And always, always ends with triumph!
So much love
And so many prayers for these “messy middle” days.
You are ever so brave.
Crystal
Good thing the end is not here yet, right? He’s not done, still more to be written!
laceykeigley
good thing indeed. 🙂
Sandy Scaringi
God continues to bless, encourage, and teach us through you! Thank you for choosing faithfulness and truth!
laceykeigley
thank you for still reading! 🙂
Boyd
I instantly thought of your 6 beautiful children (plus one grandchild) and knew the answer was going to be yes! Thanks for bringing into and raising such wonderful human beings, even under difficult circumstances. I love reading your blog and truly look forward to the wife and I meeting you all!
laceykeigley
thank you — and I look forward to it too!
Lori
Lacey,
God has gifted you as a beautiful writer! Thank you for sharing so transparently with us.
laceykeigley
thanks so much Lori.
Hilary
Thank you once again for your beautiful openness. There is so much swirling around my brain right now that your words set in motion. ❤️ You are loved.
laceykeigley
I know. I really do know. 🙂
Theresa
Tears…
They came without warning.
Hugs to you, Lacey
laceykeigley
The tears- they almost always come without warning to me.
Judy Kay
Brave. Courageous. Vulnerable. Willing to trust the story God is writing, even through the most busted parts. A heart of love of the truest sort.
That’s what I see here.
laceykeigley
Those are sweet adjectives. That certainly do not always feel fitting.
But thank you for sharing them nonetheless.
Nikkie
Wow.
Sighing big with this today.
Me too.
I’d do it again, too.