Free,  God's Pursuit of Me,  HomeLife,  Story

London said . . .

January 27, 2011 /

I really loved reading what you guys had to say after yesterday’s post about my flaws and the fears of transparency and how we all are tempted to reveal one face, but live another face.

And I won’t deny that I am sitting in a bit of a funk right now.

And that always spills out into my writing.

(Actually – it more than spills out – this writing is often my exact method of coping, understanding and wading through the highs and lows of what I call living.)

I don’t know if I can blame it on

my age,

my exhaustion,

my current season of life

or the too many nights this month that my husband has had to be absent from our home.

Or maybe all of the above.

I still find myself questioning where I am and what I am doing and how I am doing it.

I still struggle with looking at one life and thinking it is better than my life.

Looking at another situation and believing it beats my situation.

Desperately desiring my life to be about something that matters

but continually being sidetracked

by visions of lives that appear

more exciting,

more recognized,

more valued.

And into all this Madness of Mind,

this Instability of Soul,

a seven-year-old speaks.

And it isn’t the first time I’ve thought this kid had something wise to say.

London was actually referring to the recent departure of our giant bear of a dog, Magnus.

But what she said fits everything I am struggling through right now.

London said,

“I don’t think there will ever be a time when there’s not something that I miss.”

Because we’re all in some sort of holding pattern,

aren’t we?

Even if all we are doing is

living in the tension

between

right now and forever.

6 Comments

  • shelley

    January 30, 2011 at 5:08 am

    You are so right!! Just this weekend I've been pondering and analyzing and agonizing over something to do with my life that I just can't figure out, just can't make come out right, just doesn't fit with how I think it should, and I thought, "Surely I should have this figured out by my age." And then I realized that I will never have it figured out, which is exactly why I will always need Him.

  • nikkie

    January 28, 2011 at 5:20 pm

    what's with the 'missing,' anyway? it seems to always be something.

    i just wonder if i'll ever get past that part, you know?

    she's onto something for sure.

  • Gretchen

    January 27, 2011 at 5:43 pm

    AHHH and that exactly is the little piece of joy I was talking about! I think in this stage of time God is using you to mold and train up your little ones, the most rewarding job….yet most difficult job. Keep your eyes fixed on Jesus the author and perfector of our faith. Love you! I will be praying for you during these long days especially since not only are the days long but also the nights when Kevin's away.
    Love you! G