more than.

We’ve been doing a little rearranging around the house recently.

(And Kevin’s not even out of town!)

And rearranging often prompts me to clean places I have not cleaned in years.

Thus, I discovered a dusty copper bin.

Brushed it off.

(I’ll sweep later.)

And dug around inside.

The extra eagle for back up.  (But we know Piper will refuse – he doesn’t even resemble his counterpart.  It’s no stunt double here.  It’s another being entirely.)

And my old backpack.

From college.

Gift from my mom – freshman year.

So much decision went into choosing that bag.

Color?  Brown.   (Should match with anything.  Not a trendy color.)

Durable.

But cool.

Simple.

I loved it.

I added a few embellishments over the years- some embroidered suns and flowers, added with Maggie or Emma I think.

My Brownie gold wings that somehow never made it to my vest.

An old beaded bracelet tied to the zipper.  You know – those simple leather tell-the-gospel-with-beads bracelets.

Why is it so hard to part with stuff?

With possessions?

The bag was broken.

The zipper wouldn’t work.

Hadn’t worked for ten years probably.

I moved this broken book bag from Virginia to South Carolina.

I just couldn’t give it up.

I think it’s because our

stuff

becomes so much more than

stuff.

It becomes

Something Else.

It isn’t about the backpack any longer.

It’s not about the barely faded brown material, nor the broken zipper.

It’s about the memories.

An era.

A time.

A season of my life that once was but is no more.

And when I throw away the bag

I am throwing away more than an overused, outdated carry all.

I’m throwing away a little something of me.

No wonder people become hoarders.

No wonder.

It becomes painful to keep saying goodbye to parts of you.

And if you feel as if all you do is say goodbye to parts of you then you may hold on (cling) more tightly to things you can control.

Like backpacks.

You just don’t want to say goodbye to everything

and there is so little you can keep.

Sigh.

It’s just a bag.

But it isn’t.

You know?

Yeah.

I know.