…. than all my sorrows
Last Thursday my husband stood in a court room before a judge and officially declared me to be no longer his wife.
That morning two kind friends took me out to breakfast.
We talked about regular life and hope deferred and hope renewed. We ate cinnamon rolls and shared stories about our kids and our hearts and books we’ve read.
Then we went back to my house.
And Hilary pulled Jo and I to stand in my bedroom.
Bed wildly unmade from the three kids and the one grown up who fitfully slept across its sheets the night before.
Ridiculously large loads of laundry piled too high on the dirty floor. Camping supplies needing to be unpacked.
We stood there.
The three of us.
And there’s no way that we could escape the memory heavy and hard right in that exact same space more than a year earlier.
A confrontation. A suspicion. A denial. A person careening from Friend to Betrayer.
Same space. Nearly the same set of people.
Very very different circumstances.
Hilary and Jo prayed. I didn’t really have the words.
The prayer to the same God from the same mouths. Prayers requesting entirely different things.
But Hilary reminded us that even then, on the exact eve of my family’s entrance into a certain pit of hell, our prayers to a faithful God had indeed been answered.
Prayers for truth. The kind of truth that sets free and strips bare. The kind of truth that doesn’t hide or conceal. The kind of truth that is cutting and brutal, but cleansing and purifying.
And those prayers were answered. And Hilary uttered words of thanks and of course then all of us were crying.
Because there is thanksgiving in the sorrow.
But on my own I would not have offered thanksgiving back then. Or now. And I am grateful for deep and solid friends who stand in the gap for me and offer what I am incapable of offering.
My children and I have, indeed, lost so much.
And my children and I have, indeed, gained so much.
I stand in the valley. Right smack dab in the middle of The Before and The After that will shape my life’s story, the life story of my six children.
Yesterday in church we sang the words
In all my sorrows,
Jesus is better
Make my heart believe.
And I stood there, friend on my left, daughters on my right – and I sang those words.
(I sang until Hilary put her arm around me and then I wept a little because Hilary’s arm resides in Bangladesh most of the year now along with the rest of her and it was a rare privilege to stand beside her, my friend who has faced her own year of anguish and loss and heavy, and who was standing beside me then and we both know the deep and painful truth of the lyrics we were trying to sing.)
It is true, my friends.
There is no other so sure and steady, my hope is held in your hand
When castles crumble and breath is fleeting, upon this rock I will stand
Upon this rock I will standIn all my sorrows
In all my victories
Than any richesJesus is better
– lyrics by Aaron Ivey and Brett Land
25 Comments
Rebecca Ferguson
I am so grateful to God for you. Your children have an amazing mom! Thank you for your transparency and truth! You bless so many with your life! You are loved!
Hilary
❤️
Eric
Oh, the hug we wish we could give you…. <3
Love.
Laura Baker
Lacey,
I am so very sorry for this terrible pain and loss you are walking through. I will pray for you.
Laura Baker
laceykeigley
Thank you.
Kathy Griffith
Thank you for your words of truth. Jesus IS better. Only the Man of Sorrows can bear our sorrows in our broken lives. I am praying for you, precious sister.
laceykeigley
A man of sorrows — for certain.
Cim Morris
So amazed how you praise and glorify Christ through this wilderness. Going to turn my tears into prayers for you and your precious children.
Jim
Read this to my wife this morning. So sorry, Lacey, but God is going to do something very special in His perfect time. Thank you for your honesty and praise God for your faith and your community. Marie and I will hold you and your children up in prayer. You are held.
laceykeigley
Thank you.
Alece
Oh friend… My heart is heavy with/for yours.
I’m also thankful with you for the ways God reached into the painful chaos and heartsoreness to reassure you that you aren’t alone. You are never alone.
And I’m so sorry. I’m just so very sorry…
laceykeigley
It’s good to hear your “voice”.
I so valued your being a sounding board and your encouraging and true and funny and heartfelt texts this past year.
Rebekah Bishop
i have no words, but i cry with you.
Melinda Long
Well said…Many prayers!
Amy
Sending you so much love, Sweetpea. My favorite words that offer a balm in tough times are, “And this too shall pass…” – even though this may feel never-ending, it will leave and will become part of the memories of what a beautiful, strong, smart woman you are. And your happy ever after ending is coming – so amazing that what you previously had will seem funny and nonsensical in comparison. Keep the faith, my darling – and continue to be the bright light shining for so many to see and look up to – b/c those are the most brilliant souls that came down to Earth to show others a beautiful example of what living in Grace is really all about. You, my dear friend, are the epitome of Grace. Let the love you have with your wonderful children and countless friends fill your heart so that you know you are more than OK – you are so, so blessed. I’m here if you want to chat, love – anytime!! XOXO!!!
laceykeigley
Ah friend.
Thank you.
I listened to your sweet voicemail too and just haven’t had the mental energy to pick up the phone — but I wanted you to know that I love your kind words and thoughts and encouragement.
Sandy
Hard so hard, but yes, Jesus is better…and you and your family are so loved!! Hugs and prayers!
Sunshine Leister
Taken back in time your words resound truth…GOD IS FAITHFUL AND NOR WILL HE FORSAKE.
Lana
I am so thankful for your faithful friends. Hugs, dear one.
Amy Bright
It’s so good to have a friend all the way through the process. My best friend ran my ex off (literally. She came in and saved the day) and then was with me with the initial lawyer meeting, the court stuff, and after. Not having to explain to at least one person is such a comfort.
Karen cutter
Thanking our Father for His faithfulness, one of His names. Thank you for your blog. I see Jesus so clearly.
Gayle Montgomery
Hugs and love sweet friend! <3 My prayers still surround you!
Katherine
Thank you for this post, Lacey. Know that many are praying for you.
PENNY MCGINNIS
Oh, Lacey. Thank you for sharing your sorrows. Hannah called me last week and asked me to pray for you and the kids, I have and I will continue to. God is good and holds your heart in his hands. He won’t drop it or crush it. He’ll heal your hurts and move forward with you. Love and hugs from Ohio.
Sara
By the grace and mercy of our great God,
You are so brave….
And so loved.
What a precious blessing that Hillary was home just now!
I wept as I read your hard words containing harder facts, but what a testimony of faithfulness you and your friends have been-are being.
Hang on. Hang on, Dear One. Surely Jesus will be coming soon