numb and the hope of others
I think I’m going to pull my car into the parking lot labeled
Numb.
I think Ill just camp out here for a while.
Just Numb.
Recognizing
that life is moving on around me, toward me, for me
but I’m just
not
doing the same.
I’m not doing the same.
I’m just numb.
People talk about hope.
I don’t know right now.
I think
Hope is too prickly.
It’s too dangerous.
It’s too heavy.
It’s too hard.
When Emily Dickinson wrote her words about hope and its feathers and how it perches
and when she wrote that “hope doesn’t ask a thing of me”
well,
I think maybe she was wrong.
I think she was wrong.
Hope asks so much.
Hope asks too much
some days.
Some days hope asks too much.
And on those days
I can’t seem to make myself choose joy.
I can’t seem to make myself choose hope.
On those days,
if there’s to be any hope choosing,
I have to let other people choose hope for me.
(Through their texts and their messages and by holding up my arms.)
I have to let people hold up my arms.
To pick hope for me
because I cannot choose it for myself.
I have to let them hold onto hope for me
when my grasp has just slipped away.
I guess
I guess
at the very best and truest and simplest form
I guess
maybe that is a kind of a hope.
I think
it is the one I have to pick,
that I do pick.
It doesn’t really feel like a choice
It feels like something else.
Today it feels
numb.
5 Comments
Rebekah
So I’ve been doing a lot of thinking on faith and fear. Most people think fear is the absence of faith, but really, fear is faith…. Fear is faith that what you don’t want to happen absolutely will. Fear is knowing in your heart that something bad will happen! That’s STRONG FAITH! (Unfortunately, it’s also very often creative faith) So if you are afraid, at least you know you have very strong faith! Now you can try to change what you have faith IN by focusing your eyes on THE ONE Who loves you more than life! That is what Hope truly is…. Believing that what you have faith in is already on its way to you. It might be delayed, but it is already coming. You’ve already gotten your YES answer, you just have to keep holding on till it gets here. (Think of it like a pregnancy test. You already have the positive test showing you’re expecting…. But now you have to wait the full 9 months to get to hold your baby….. That my dear is HOPE).
Sandy
Lacey, Sara’s words are wonderful and true. You are so loved and you are loved so much. I often need to remind myself of this verse to remember hope: “The Lord your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing.” love you!!
Nikkie
Perhaps today, friend.
You hold onto hope for me and you don’t even realize it.
Thank you for that.
You are not alone.
You are not alone.
Sara
Oh. Sweet friend.
I hate this Hard of yours.
I beg our God to choose another path for you.
For now, though, I choose for you.
In the numb, know that I choose.
“You live in Hope because Jesus rose from the dead.
You live in Hope because God has reserved for us eternal life.
There is Joy ahead, even though you are suffering so greatly today.
Your trials are precious to God and will bring honor and glory to Jesus.”
And know this through the Numb:
“You love Jesus though you haven’t seen Him.
You trust Him also without sight.”
He is worthy of your Trust.
He will bring you through.
You. Are. His.
Loved and precious.
And many saints are praying…
Love. So much love.
Julie
Sara, your words are treasure. Thank you. Sometimes when I cannot hope or trust, I think of the four friends who let down their friend through the roof to Jesus. It says, “When He saw THEIR faith…”