doing the best I can
And I want to gather them all to me, like little chicks in a nest, and pull them close and look into their eyes and whisper, “You guys. You guys. Mommy is doing the best she can.”
Isn’t that what all we mommas want to say?
We’re doing the best we can.
And we know, my goodness we know, that the best we can offer is sometimes just not enough.
Just. Not. Enough.
The biting truth is – even when this was a two-parent house – the best we could do was not really enough then either.
The darkest and scariest and most freeing truth I know as a parent is that I am not good enough. I will never be good enough.
I cannot rescue my children.
I cannot save their souls.
I cannot protect enough or guard enough or parent well enough.
(None of this knowledge negates my responsibility to try. My responsibility to do what must be done. My responsibility to parent in love and in truth with every fiber of my being.)
Parenting is hard work.
It is not for quitters and it is not for cowards.
It exhausts you and fulfills you and breaks you down and you get to decide to keep choosing it every day because you know, you absolutely know, that it is more worthwhile than any other task you’ve ever put your hand to.
2 Comments
Rhonda F.
I never called myself a single mother or allowed myself to get sucked into that whole “victim” mentality. To me, it implied that I needed an excuse in case I didn’t succeed. I owned every victory and every failure. I preferred to keep the terminology on a positive side, which was difficult at times. For some reason, mine didn’t like to hear “I’m doing to best I can” or “sorry I can’t do more”, but they preferred, “I only wish that I could do more”. It’s like it implied to them that I was doing the utmost that I could with what I had. And you are so right. Parenting is NOT for cowards. You can do this. Have faith in yourself. The rest of us do.
Sara
The temptation to “get it right” or perform perfectly is always with us.
Oh, Lacey, it must be one of your biggest struggles right now. But fight that thought process. It is one of satan’s sneakiest lies. He wants you to think you must be everything to your children.
Recently, I heard a stranger brother in Christ say:
Results are God’s job. Our job with
the children God has placed in our
care is solely to plant seeds.
Hear this admonition deep in your soul-Just keep planting seeds obediently. You are NOT enough. You cannot be. But Jesus is.
“Enough for each, enough for all; enough for every man.”
Rest in that Truth. Jesus is enough. You don’t have to be and shouldn’t try.
Your precious children have the witness of a godly mother, the blessing of a Spirit filled home, a living Savior, and the perfect loving Father.
It. Is. Enough.
Rest.