God's Pursuit of Me

nevertheless

 

My dad said, “Aren’t two tattoos excessive for a forty-one year old mother of six?”

I laughed.

Grinned at him.

 

 

And then.  Weeks later.  A message left on my phone’s voice mail.  His tractor-trailer-driving muffled voice at the same familiar lilt I’ve known since birth.

“And what will you tell your children when they want a tattoo?”

I push call back and answer his question.

I’ll say, “Yes.

If my daughter reaches the age of forty-one and wants to tattoo a singular word of hope and praise on her forearm, I’ll say yes.  Yes – can I go with you?”

It’s just a word.

In a beautiful font written by my sweet friend Jessica at Shop Letterly.

But for me, it’s a statement.  A hope.  A reminder.  A message inked more on my heart than on my skin.

It says this:

nevertheless.

 

 

And it means this:

O God.

There is this cup placed before me.

You’re asking me to drink.

It is bitter.

It stings.

It burns.

I do not pick it.

I do not want it.

O God.

Take this cup from me.

Please.

There is this path, carved out for me to walk.

There is this road.

And it is rough.

Rocks and broken glass.

Shards and splinters.

It hurts.

I feel unprotected.

I don’t want to go.

Please.  Please.

Pick another way.

Please.  Please.

Don’t make me go.

nevertheless.

A single word.

So much hanging on it.

nevertheless.

I see it.

I feel it.

I’m begging to pass this cup off.

I’m crying to not take this step.

O God.

I don’t want to go.

nevertheless.

O God – is there any other way?

Is there any other path?

nevertheless.

And I know.

I choose.

I surrender.

nevertheless.

Not my will but yours be done.

nevertheless.

I trust in you more than I trust in me.

nevertheless.

Your ways are higher.

Your ways are better.

I acknowledge.

I believe.

nevertheless.

(And it isn’t a sentiment just for this week or last month.  It’s a message for the rest of my life.  There will always and always be these options.  There will always and always be my struggle to take control.  There will always and always be a need to die to myself and to live for Jesus.  And I will always and always need to be reminded.  nevertheless.)

 

___________________________

 

 

 

11 Comments

  • Cindy G

    ALWAYS love when I take the time to read your writings/thoughts. So spot on with truth that we all need to hear. Thanks so much for sharing it!!!

      • Nikkie

        I just read this again.

        The first time was in May 2015. Who even knew then what lurked around the corner for my family and me?

        This post-this word-speaks volumes more now than it did the first time I read it.

        Wow.

        I bet you showed up today.

        Thanks for keeping it real, friend.

  • Sandy Scaringi

    This is being SO courageously faithful Lacey… Such a reminder to me of living for God and not for me. Thank you for being willing to share such raw pain and truth with us. You are such a beautiful mother of six! Praying for all of you.

  • beth

    This is so *very* beautiful. When I first saw the word, the picture, I thought I kind of knew what you meant by it. But after reading what you wrote, I really get it. And it makes this not-a-fan-of-the-tattoo-look gal actually consider getting one. Cause I want those words really tattooed on my heart. I dont want to forget them. Beautiful, Lacey.

  • Sara

    Thank you for the reminder of Truth. Truth for everyday.
    I want. I think I need, deserve,
    whatever.
    Nevertheless.
    He is God. He is good.

    “I trust in you more than I trust in me.”
    Oh. God.
    Hear my heart longing even when I
    fail miserably.

    Your words-God’s Words-are a blessing. A gift.

    You are precious. So precious.
    Always love and always prayer.

  • karen

    always such truth. even in the hard. thank you. your realness is one of my favorite things about you. much love to you, my friend. and always, many prayers.