This weekend I ran my first-ever race.

It wasn’t a marathon or anything – it was a 5k.

In my “training” (laugh. laugh. cough.) I had never run more than two miles at a time.

Friday night was balmy, but pleasant.  The race started at 6:30 p.m.

I placed myself toward the back of the crowd of over 3000 runners.  (Call me realistic.)

For fun, and because I want to and I can, I am going to walk/run you through my thought process.

Here we go.

This is cool.  I’m really excited.  I’m pretty nervous.  This skirt is pretty cute.  At least I can wear a cute running skirt.  That’s good.

Wow.  There are a lot of people here.  Makes me feel a little . . . lost.  nervous.  Uh, weirded out.

Oh man, if that dude in the back brace with the broken arm beats me I will never race again.  I mean that.

Okay.  Gun shot.  That wasn’t even loud.  Was that for real?

I guess I’ll start running now.

I feel great.

This is a good pace, right?

Man.  This is a race?  It just seems like a mob.  In motion.

Uh.  I have been running forever.  Maybe like two miles or something?  Do they have signs somewhere?

Cool.  I’m passing people.  They look old . . .  or injured . . . but I am passing them.

Should I slow down?  Are we almost done?

Does that sign say mile one? What in the world? You are kidding.  And is this a hill?  No way!  No way!

What’s the rule about breathing?  Through the nose?  Out the nose?   Will I ever breathe normally again?  This is hard.  Really hard.

Man, I’ll never beat Riley’s time now.  Is it wrong to want to beat my own daughter’s record?  It is, isn’t it?

I think two dogs are running faster than me.  They are. They definitely are.

Passing people is fun.  Sort of like when you’re on the highway and you start passing cars in the fast lane.  Just one more, you think.  Just one more.  And suddenly you’re speeding.  I’m speeding.  I need to slow down.  I can’t breathe.

Walking is okay.  There is no shame in walking.

Why do we continue to be moving in the opposite direction of the finish line?  Will we ever turn back?  This is the longest three miles of my life.

I didn’t know there was a pond here – that’s pretty.

Awww.  Some lady just told me my hair was cute.  I can run another 1/4 mile now, right?

Ben Harper, Ben Harper.  I like you.  This song.  It’s good.

I’ll just walk a little.  Until I can breathe, you know.  Until I can breathe.

Water.  That’s good.

I hate littering.  Even throwing this cup down feels wrong.

Oh man, I just spilled water all over myself.  It’s hard to run and drink.  Are other runners having this problem?  What is my problem?  I can’t breathe.  Oh, no!  My iPod just stopped.  Oh, shoot!  I got water on it.  I ruined my iPod?  No!  Wait – did my gum just fall out of my mouth?  Are you kidding me?  Runners behind me will hate me.  No one wants to step on gum.  Shoot.  Where is it?  Where is it? I’m trying to kick it.  I’m trying to kick it. Oh, shoot, just don’t turn around.  Just keep running.  Keep moving.   Oh cool – I just hit the pause button.  My iPod is perfectly fine.

Hey, is that Jane and Walter?

Why is it so hard to breathe?

Where in the world is the finish line?

Huh?  Did that lady tell me I could quit running?  I already passed the finish?

Oh.

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