-
wedding thoughts & musings.
We attended a wedding this weekend. A wedding we felt privileged to attend. (Remember our buddies who turned shaved ice and flavors into a career?) There was a giant field and a big open barn and a view of a mountain in the background. A hot cocoa and coffee bar was set up and a table full of candy and sweets and piled high with delicious cookies. Music was the dominant theme to the gathering. Well, more accurately, worship was the dominant theme. Worship of a holy and creative and imaginative God with a lot of people who loved two young adults plunging into a new life…
-
Why The Success of Your Marriage Matters to My Kids
On Sunday we were honored to have brunch with a dear family and two sweet friends. Laughter was as abundant around our scratched farm table as was the delicious food. (Quiches and a Dutch Baby. Homemade whipped cream.) And it wasn’t just adults making adults laugh – the kids, ten in all – were engaged and charming and full of interesting talk too. I live in such a vibrant community full of families like this. Not a week goes by that we don’t break bread and share a table with another family. Usually more than once a week. People are in and out of our home and our door is…
-
A Call To Support Marriages
I’ve thought about how to introduce this video challenge I am sharing today. But I just can’t seem to find the words I want. Valentine’s Day can be so cheesy – and this isn’t cynical Lacey or a jaded person typing. I’ve always found the hearts and the cupids surrounding February 14 to be contrived and manufactured. (I have, however saved one Valentine’s card from fifth or sixth grade. It was a sniff and smell kind and on the front was an orange. You can probably guess what lame joke accompanied the orange. I have no real idea why that singular card has been saved all of these long…
-
the divorce diaries – entry 6
I am living in this tension between two cultures – two ideas of right and wrong and normal and broken. This wild and difficult juxtaposition between the views of divorce. On the one hand, you have: The Huffington Post Facebook Television Movies Your second cousin And all of these sources tackle the topic of divorce in about the exact same way: This is just the way it is. It’s normal. Cut out the toxic people in your life. You deserve to be happy. You need to take care of you first. Be your own boss. Follow your heart. The kids will be fine. Monogamy is outdated. Kids are resilient.…
-
I don’t have a pocket to place this bit.
How are we all supposed to live with the stuff we said? The things we promised but didn’t follow through? The bits like this, said in my own voice at my own wedding —- For better or for worse. Until death do us part. Where you go, I will go. Your people will be my people. May the Lord deal with me be it ever so severely if anything but death separates you and I. _________________________
-
What To Tell Your Friends When They Tell You Their Marriage Is Broken
Maybe I’ll be writing about stuff I don’t want to write about until the day I die. That’s probably kind of true. Last month I wrote a post about Helping Your Friends Through Sad Stuff. You guys – why is there always SO MUCH sad stuff? If it isn’t in the news (and it is ALWAYS in the news) then it’s on your living room sofa and at the coffee shop and it’s showing up in your gmail account and dripping into you phone via text and emoticons. A lot of bad stuff goes down. At church last weekend there were some guys wearing t-shirts that said “share your…
-
I still hate divorce
There’s a word I hear people use when they talk about divorce. Freedom. Whether they are implying a freedom for the person leaving the marriage or a freedom for the person being left, I don’t even know. Or a freedom for both people if they are both looking to leave their marriage. But I tell you what, from my vantage point, it does not feel like freedom to me. That seems like the wrong word choice. It’s not freedom. It’s a different word entirely. More like bondage. All of the best parts of marriage are dead to me now: intimacy, partnership, mutual friends, shared history, someone else to make…
-
I hate divorce
In our family we don’t toss the word “hate” around. Partially because it’s such a strong word and it just sounds unpleasant coming from a child’s lips. Partially because when you use a word too much it loses its potency and you forget how harsh of a word “hate” can really be. The kids and I try to create a culture in our home where “hate” is unspoken. (Hopefully) you won’t hear the kids (or me) saying, “I hate tomatoes”, “I hate when we are running late”, “I hate the color mauve”, “I hate the sounds of fingernails being clipped”. So understand the strength of my words when I…
-
would you do it all over again?
Would you do it all over again? It’s the kind of question your brain asks itself at 2:26 in the morning after you’ve watched an unrealistic romantic comedy and the screen has gone black and the volume has gone mute and the only sound you hear is the shaking and whirring of the uneven ceiling fan. Would you do it all over again? It’s the sort of impossible question that barely deserves a response but there’s this glimmer and sliver of your heart that feels compelled to think it through. No one is really asking. You know you’re only talking to yourself. But your self is still kinda curious and…
-
marriage, that old couple
I still believe in marriage. Is that a weird thing to say? I still believe in the picture of Christ’s love for His people that marriage represents. In fact, I believe in it more today than I did last year. If marriage was entirely for our own individual glory or pleasure, if the picture of marriage was to bring honor to ourselves alone, then my story – and countless others’ stories – would be playing out so differently and would matter so much less. Recently I saw an older couple sit down together in church across the aisle from where I sat. He put his arm around her shoulder. Leaned…
-
happy anniversary.
Nineteen. If you’re talking about grains of rice or hairs on your head, that’s a little number. But I’m not talking about food or hair. I’m talking years. Years. And suddenly, nineteen is kind of a giant number. Nineteen. A number that sort of takes my breath away. Today marks nineteen years since I traded my last name for his wearing blue Chuck Taylors and my momma’s wedding dress. Nineteen years since I stood in a field by a stream on a farm in Virginia and said “I do”. It’s not a golden anniversary, I guess, but it’s a good solid stack of years we’ve piled up as Husband and…
-
What it is.
Two weekends ago I attended a wedding shower for a friend. Last weekend I attended another wedding shower for a different friend. Sunday we were sitting in a field with an incredibly lovely mountain top view watching two sweet friends holding hands and exchanging promises. Love. It’s just all over the place this month. Love. I like weddings. I like romance. I like the idealism associated with newlyweds and young love. It’s the beginning and it’s sticky sweet and it’s hopeful and it’s full of glowing words and bold proclamations. It’s nice. But when I saw this instagram picture on my phone last week, I was reminded of the kind…
-
at that point: the anniversary post.
Sometime near the end of summer camp it happened. Our marriage made it to Year Sixteen. Sixteen years in. We’re at that point in our years together that our wedding gifts are looking pretty battered. A decade and half of years will do that, you know. The couple of towels that are still remaining after all those years are shaggy and worn and are mostly used for cleaning up messes or protecting furniture when you move it. The dishes – they look pretty chipped. The sets are no longer all together. For every one whole piece another piece has been broken or chipped or cracked. I have more cracked dishes…
